It’s impossible for everyone to like you. Accept it, do not despair, and do not adjust to others.
Remember that it’s okay to feel pain
We react painfully to rejection, whether it’s in a friendship, a romantic relationship, or communicating with co-workers. Once upon a time, this response was necessary for survival. When we lived in tribes, to be rejected and expelled from the community was practically equal to death. So if someone leaves us, there is such a strong chemical reaction in the brain that it causes physical pain.
After that, we go through several stages. First, we blame ourselves. We think we have upset the other person in some way. Then we feel humiliated and ashamed, we feel our weakness. We try to win that person’s favor again. “It’s not even because we want him to like us,” explains psychotherapist Shawn Grover, “it’s just that we don’t like feeling that someone doesn’t like us. By the way, you can find love on online christian dating sites. We end up feeling like a failure.
These feelings are unpleasant but normal. The main thing is not to dwell on them and move on.
Don’t blame yourself.
Because of the openly expressed dislike of others, many begin to doubt themselves. But remember: the actions of people are usually explained by their problems and experiences. It’s not you personally and not the other person but both of you.
It’s just that at this particular moment in life, this person is incompatible with you.
In addition, the other person’s favor has a lot to do with the benefits you bring him, even if unknowingly. “It shows up in animals, too,” said Jennifer Verdolin, an animal behavior researcher at Duke University. – “They prefer to spend time with individuals who are similar to them in status, personality, or genetic connections.
If you don’t have something in common that is valuable to both parties, you will be rejected. This is almost inevitable.
Analyze your behavior
Don’t blame yourself for someone not liking you. However, if it happens all the time, try to look at your behavior objectively.
Ask for an explanation of why you were rejected. For example, you were told that you brag a lot or are self-involved. Consider whether there is some truth in this. Analyze your behavior. If you do so and it is unpleasant to other people, work on yourself.
Just do not overdo it. Of course, some of your habits may annoy others. But often it’s just a reflection of that person’s fears, prejudices, or unpleasant memories.
Make new friends gradually
Once in a new circle of people, we feel lonely, for example, in a new job or after moving to another city. In these situations, the relationships of the others are already established – it’s easy to feel like an outsider.
Get into a new environment gradually. For example, offer one of your colleagues to have lunch together. But wait to try to join the group. Reach out to the one who has the friendliest attitude.
Not everyone is ready to welcome you with open arms right away. Focus on those who show a willingness to step up.
Spend more time with those who appreciate you
You probably have at least a few people you can count on in times of need. Talk to them more often. This will boost your self-esteem and give you back your confidence.
Strengthen relationships with people who appreciate you. This is more helpful than worrying about those who rejected you.
And remember, the best way to make true friendships is to be sincere. Don’t expect everyone to reach out to you. Such an attitude will not attract others to you.
And send the haters away.
At least mentally. Sometimes you just have to accept that someone has turned against you. “It’s okay if you have an enemy,” says Shawn Grover. – “If people are jealous of you, ignore it.
Don’t deliberately turn others against yourself. But if someone doesn’t like you and the feeling is mutual, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to try to soothe him or her at all.
