You should not replace constructive dialogue with hasty decisions.
- Get Married
A step as illogical as possible, but very common. Marriage in our culture is often perceived as a way to nullify everything negative that came before the marriage. Including grievances.
Naturally, this is not the case. A wedding can lead to a little pause in confrontation. After all, the strong emotions of the holiday should not be underestimated. But then the unresolved problems will come back.
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Just look at the divorce statistics. Almost a quarter of marriages break up within the first two years. 4.7% of couples break up without even celebrating their first anniversary.
A wedding can be a logical continuation of a troubled relationship if the couple has acknowledged the crisis and dealt with it. Without this, it is not worth hoping for a miracle.
- Have a baby.
Having a baby can also be a challenge for strong harmonious couples. According to research, having a baby in most cases significantly reduces marital satisfaction.
Accordingly, the situation can become monstrous if things are already bad. In doing so, it will also affect the child, who will suffer innocently. A separation may even be avoided – out of a sense of duty, for example. But whether everyone involved will be happy is a big question.
- adultery
People usually expect exclusive sexual and romantic relationships by default. Therefore, cheating is perceived as a violation of agreements and betrayal, which negatively affects trust in the couple.
Cheating is stressful. And for both of them, though perhaps to a different degree. And the one who is cheated on will not necessarily suffer more – much depends on the individual. In some cases, the perpetrator understands that there is no one better than his partner. But here is also a question of whether the cheater will remain the same for the second person after such a deed. If all this is superimposed on an already crumbling relationship, you can hardly expect it to change for the better.
- To provoke jealousy
There are times when there has been no cheating. But one of the partners suddenly decides to provoke the jealousy of the other. Either looking for proof that the other person still has feelings. Or he is trying to show his demand: “I will have a hundred more like you.
It is unlikely that this is an adequate response to the problems in the relationship. Firstly, the partner may perceive such behavior as real treason. Secondly, it does not solve any of the already ripe conflicts, but only adds a new one. Third, it is simply cruel to make the person you love (or no longer love) experience strong negative emotions.
- Trying to change your partner.
An understandable defense mechanism is to blame all the troubles on your partner and force him or her to change so that they don’t exist: “Our couple would be perfect if it weren’t for you!” It’s rare for a relationship to consist of perfection itself and a person with a bunch of flaws. By the way, if you are still looking for a strong relationship you can look here
Usually, a relationship involves some kind of change, and in both partners. Two different people must be able to coexist comfortably. Some people find this easier, while others find it more difficult.
However, changes are the responsibility of the individual. All that can be done is to talk without manipulation or accusations. So to speak, you throw the ball on your partner’s half of the field. But it is he who decides what to do next.
- Change yourself for your partner.
Let us look at the situation from the other side. Sometimes a person accepts all the claims of his partner and begins to develop a completely different personality. There are times when this happens because of pressure and manipulation. This is unfair, and destructive and can even lead to mental disorders.
Any change is a mutual process. Their necessity is negotiated in the form of dialogue when both talk about their feelings and discuss the inconsistencies. Otherwise, nothing good will come of it.
- Disengage
Another common behavioral tactic is to pretend nothing is going on.
The person, nominally staying in the relationship, begins to avoid the other partner. Staying late at work, finding urgent things to do on the weekends, and so on. This is often the case if the couple has some additional obligations. For example, people do not want to break up because they have children, a common business, or something else.
But the relationship no longer exists, it is a sham.
- Go on vacation.
Couples are often advised to take a change of scenery and go on a trip together. This can be good for the relationship if the partners have been able to spend little time together lately because of, for example, work.
But if the union is at the stage where it needs to be saved, going on a trip where you have to spend time together 24/7 is hardly a good idea. It will only heat the cauldron of accumulated irritation, resentment, and fatigue. And in the end, there can be such an explosion that it is not enough. And quickly evacuating from an unfamiliar place is unlikely to work out – you’ll have to change tickets and lose money.
In general, though, if you’re willing to go to a fancy place and have to figure things out all the time, why not? But it has to be at least a constructive dialogue with attempts to listen to the other party and come to a compromise.
- Go to a training session.
The story with training that promises to improve family relationships is this. You might get a good event organized by a professional. And there they will tell you evident and correct things: don’t avoid the problems, don’t shift the responsibility on each other, criticize the actions, not the person, don’t insult and listen to each other.
But, alas, there is a much higher risk of encountering gurus who will impose gender stereotypes, break participants, and make them do strange things. For example, in women’s training sessions, female attendees are often persuaded to quit immediately to devote themselves to the service of a man. But if the family is in conflict over low income, it is unlikely that losing one paycheck will make things better.
- Involve third parties.
This method is good in one case: the partners go for couples counseling with a psychologist. But it is hardly worth asking parents, friends, and other people for advice. Firstly, they do not see the whole picture and proceed only from your words and observations. Secondly, the counselors are likely to take sides, which prevents objectivity. Third, a layperson’s personal experience is rarely enough to correctly assess what’s going on.
Unless we are talking about situations where direct assistance is required (such as domestic violence), it is worth clarifying the relationship between the partners. Other people’s interference can only make things worse.
The enumerated variants do not work, because they try to disguise the problem, not solve it. It is much more useful to learn to talk to each other, to express grievances without hurting others, and to act not only in their interests. Many difficulties escalate to disaster because no one has discussed them.
