Dear Evaluation and Tension,
In general, you are not required to report that you may have an STD if there is no apparent sign that you do. Doing so wouldn’t be necessary, since anyone who has been sexually active and had sexual contact since their last test could have an STD, especially since so many illnesses can go undiagnosed.
Due to the fact that herpes tests are often not included in the standard battery of STD tests, your having received one may indicate that you have grounds to suspect you have herpes. Your duty will depend on whether you had an outbreak or fright that led you to suspect you had herpes or whether you’re merely being extra cautious (or paranoid). If the former is true, you should tell the individual to adhere to the moral code you outlined in the letter, and not merely for his own benefit. Worst-case scenario: you have indications of herpes that you choose to ignore, you engage in sexual activity with a man, and it turns out you have herpes. According to your letter, you are unwilling to subject a loved one to such torture. Therefore, do not. Contact STD Test in Dubai and check if you are infected with STDs before it goanna be late.
If this is the case and you had the test taken as a precaution with no physical indication of illness, you need not be concerned. Likewise, he should be aware that you may have herpes—everyone does!—and that he may also have it. You are aware that the tests are unreliable. According to a 2016 report by the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force, which advised against routine genital herpes testing, “given the test characteristics of the most widely used serologic screening test for HSV-2 and a population infection prevalence of 15%, screening 10,000 individuals would result in approximately 1,485 true-positive and 1,485 false-positive results.” These odds are not favorable.
Regarding how to do it
I am dealing with a complicated circumstance. My thirteen-year-old wife and I are best friends. We met online (in a forum about Christian music) when we were around 17 years old and ended up attending the same conservative Christian college, where I trained to become a pastor and got married at a much too young age. She was my first kiss, my sole sexual relationship, and my dearest friend to this day. We are in our mid-30s, and I am the primary caregiver for our two adopted children. As our previously conservative faith has evolved into a much more accepting spirituality, so too have our sexual ethics and awareness of our own sexuality. My wife has been very interested in having sex with different partners for some time. I, on the other hand, was left with considerable shame and self-hatred as a result of orthodox religious purity culture (like being told constantly that God hated me because of porn and masturbation). Unfortunately, because of my guilt, self-loathing, and severe melancholy, I initiate sex extremely infrequently. The fact that I rarely initiate sex has led her to feel that I do not find her attractive, which is far from the truth. She is stunning, talented, and quite alluring. Sexuality is difficult.
So let me get to the essence of my inquiry. We jointly agreed (I initiated the talk) to investigate the possibility of being ethically nonmonogamous. We decided that we would each have the freedom to do what seemed right. To further complicate matters, she works in an industry with very unpredictable hours but virtually weekly social or networking events; as a result, she is out numerous evenings per week and travels to big cities approximately once per month. I, on the other hand, am the primary caretaker for our two children and work from home. Therefore, she has more opportunities to live a nonmonogamous lifestyle.
A few months later, she has already had personal encounters with other individuals and has even been on a few dates. In our personal closeness, much of the shame and insecurity that has tormented us is being eliminated, but I haven’t even had the chance to leave the house on my own. So I began a Facebook conversation with a member of a group discussing ethical nonmonogamy. When she discovered that I had launched the conversation on her birthday, she became really angry. She stated that she did not believe I was in a position to seek out new relationships and that I needed to focus on myself first. Probably all of this is true, but she has been engaged to other people in the past few weeks, and I haven’t blinked an eye, even when it has made me a little envious. I do require personal development. I must reduce weight, establish a healthier routine, and improve as a stay-at-home parent. She is correct about everything, but I feel as if she is attempting to control me and limit my connections, while I am attempting to give her as much freedom as possible. I don’t know what to do, and I have no one to discuss this with.
Dear Direct Messages from Employers:
As Christian music enthusiasts, you must know that the song goes “O come, all ye loyal” and not “some of ye faithful.” Your current layout is not that impressive. If you and your wife have agreed to investigate ethical nonmonogamy, it is unfair for her to hold it against you if she is doing the same. That is not very ethical.
Therefore, I agree with you in this instance, with the following exceptions: You could have been more considerate by, for example, delaying your approach until after her birthday. It’s true that you don’t generally spend the entirety of the day celebrating, but if your wife finds out, she could be angry and complicate your situation. (Not doing things to avoid getting caught later is, of course, the most cynical argument for decorum, but as you are well aware, it is nevertheless important to keep in mind.) I could also see why she is sensitive to your desire to cruise.
It would be emotionally valid for her to ask, “If you don’t begin sex with me, why would you initiate sex with other people?” Even in the unlikely event that you no longer find your wife sexually attractive (which you promise us is not the case), an open relationship might keep a sexually mismatched pair together by providing an outlet that monogamy would deny (and likely suffer as a result of). I can only imagine how it may appear to her, but it would be helpful for her to realize that for some of us, sex with loved ones and sex with strangers have distinctive tastes. As it were, an oversupply of vanilla does not eliminate the craving for chocolate. Your wishes don’t always mean that she isn’t “satisfying” you, especially since, as your long-term partner, she can’t give you the sweet taste of novelty.
It is your responsibility to reassure her, to reaffirm the reasons for opening things up in the first place, and to be amenable to tweaking the arrangement as she deems appropriate. This does not imply that you must abandon all sense of fairness and adopt the asymmetrical arrangement she appears to have proposed, in which she can go have fun while you must concentrate on yourself at home. However, this appears to be an opportunity to establish boundaries and establish comfort levels. If she keeps saying that the only way to be non-monogamous is to give up some freedom, you should think about whether this arrangement can work for you at all.
